Contented home maker or making a contented home

Its been about 10 months since I last stepped into a threshold of a corporate entity. The smell of varnish, brightly spruced up interiors, colourful walls and my own work area...I miss them all. And dressing up..one of those things from which you derive inspiration to set your own mood for the rest of the day. Snap! Oops, back to now!

Ok...that was being too dramatic. All I wanted to say was, its been about 10 months since I decided to hang up my boots[albeit temporarily] and pursue full time motherhood. Partially by choice and partially due to the then prevailing circumstances. A relocation was on the cards and I was busy trying to wrap up things and gather as much information about the city that would be my abode for the next few/many months to come.

Initially it was fine. I told myself I was taking a break. A much deserved break after so many years of running a packed scheduled life. I would take it slow...I told myself. 4 months of taking it slow passed. Then the idea of getting back to work started taking roots in the mind. I had vegetated enough...so much of a couch potato I had become that I had started growing roots and getting used to the comfort and adapting myself to the new environment. So everytime the boredom set in, I would tell myself that I want to get back into pursuing my career again and would try to work out some options and end up with a huge stumbling block of non-knowledge of the local language and give up my pursuit. Although I have managed to learn the language a bit, Its still not good to go for a complete conversation. While I am fervently hoping on one side to seriously look for options, the mum in me would pull me back a few steps telling me that these are the golden years in the development of my first bundle of joy...well, she is a big bundle now...nevertheless...So I tell myself that I will wait until she turns 2 and then start pursuing career options again.

I am sure other moms would agree with me...that it is a heart wrenching dilemma...especially in a non-home country without family support where you have to rely on day care/au-pair to help you tide over childcare issues, whether or not to pursue a full time career...the pros of which is time for yourself and not to mention the economic independence you can definitely peruse...on the other hand, completely entrusting your little one to a daycare centre is a very tough decision and most families bite the bullet at the end and decide to go ahead with the daycare option. There are moms like me who are neither here not there with being able to make this decision. While I like to pursue my career and preferably work in an external office set-up[I feel that if you are surrounded by a professional environment, it makes you that much more focussed on the work on hand...although this opinion might change on all Mondays when I invariably suffered the blues or on days when I didnt wanna go to work...which was every other day]...my initial idea of staying home until my gal is 2 puts up a fight...So I am wondering if my decision to stay at home gives the perception of me being a contented home-maker or have I managed to make a contented home due to my decision...Sigh! If only there were answers to all questions...